What to do if a friend tells me they were sexually assaulted?

When a friend is sad, crying or not doing well, you don’t need to be a specialist to help them. If your friend opens up to you, it means they trust you. This is what matters most. How can you react or what should you say to live up to their trust? There are a few rules that you should follow. You should:

• Be present;
• Listen when they speak;
• Respect their silence if they don’t want to talk;
• Believe what they say, don’t judge them or make them feel guilty for what happened.

You can also:

• Stay with them;
• Take them in your arms, if that makes them feel better;
• Tell them: “It’s okay if you cry” or “It’s normal to be angry”;
• Get their mind off of things and make them smile;
• Or any other positive idea that you might have...

Whether you know the whole story or not, what really matters is that your friend knows that you are there for them and that they can count on you. It is possible that you might feel unable to help your friend. It’s okay; this doesn’t make you any less of a friend. In this case, telling the truth is better than staying silent. You can tell them, for example: “What you are telling me is very upsetting and I think it will be hard for me to be of any help to you”, and you can help them find someone else or a resource, like the West Island CALACS, to support them.

Silence holds back victims of sexual abuse, but also facilitates the life of assailants and doesn’t help solve the problem. It is up to each one of us to make it easier for those who were sexually abused to open up.